This past week I have been thinking a lot about the concept of self sabotage….remembering years ago how I would incessantly blame myself for my weak will, my lack of focus and inability to stay the course (any course) I set for myself.

And that was it. I would quit, stop, change course – think something different and take another route. Ultimately, I would not get where I wanted to go, or follow through with my own plans. 

All the while, thinking it was me. I was the only one to blame here – that these people (and institutions, organisations, social networks) around me could not possibly influence me to such an extent as to stop me from achieving my goals.

So, I would end up disappointed and angry with myself.   It was a vicious cycle I found myself in for many years. These negative influences affected my health, my weight, my education, my significant relationships and my work.

I would watch how time and again as the things I wanted most were seemingly off  limits, out of the question, not in the cards and impossible to achieve. In so many ways I gave up, lowered my standards, lost interest and changed my mind along the way.

Then that all changed…it took one single incident in my life, I saw how someone else had their own agenda where I was concerned and could step into (or walk all over) my hopes, wishes and dreams….

I listened, watched and felt the energy around me change when this one person (in the company of others) shot down my plans, which were so important to me at the time. But, I was finally able to see (within myself) how profoundly this affected me. 

All of a sudden, I saw differently. My eyes were opened to the reality of just how much an intention to slow down, stop, alter or otherwise change the course you have set for yourself – can come in from outside.

We do not live in a bubble…most of us who are following a dream (this might be anything) are vulnerable, sensitive, open and seeking something better in the world around us as well as within ourselves. 

We don’t expect nor should we accept others interference (I refer to this as interference energy) in our lives. One of the main reasons I mention this here and now is because if I had listened and taken on board all this person was saying….

I would have strayed far and wide from my path. The ultimate course set for myself, that lifted me, changed me, healed me and saved my life – time and again. 

You set the agenda. You listen to your body (or start learning how), get to know your own mind, and find your spirit. 

Live your own life, or someone else will live it for you.

April